Who or who are Donald and Hillary going to pick for VPs?
We interrupt our regularly-schedule column rotation to bring you this special edition of Franklin’s Corner – appearing in the same location since the last century.
After reading this, you’re going to ask yourself, “What’s so special about this? He ain’t gonna win no column award with this-un.”
And you’re probably right. The only reason I’m here is because one of the columnists scheduled begged off this week and I said to myself, “You know, the faithful readers are missing me. I need to throw them a bone.”
You will notice a common theme thus far – people talking to themselves. You did it first and then I did it.
You’re probably saying to yourself, “I wish he’d get on with it. I don’t have all night. I’ve got to turn on Fox News and see if Hillary has been arrested yet and then switch over to MSNBC to find out the latest demon that’s infesting Donald Trump.”
Speaking of Hillary and Donald, which you were, I am figuratively on pins and needles waiting on their VP selections. I was hoping against hope that Donald was going to chose Carla Fiorino, but Lyin’ Ted went and trumped Trump, so she’s out.
I have been living in absolute terror for months now that Ted Cruz might become our President. I couldn’t stand the thought of having to listen to him talk for at least four years.
It’s not what he’s saying so much. It’s his voice. He sounds like a televangelist.
Hillary’s voice is not any better. She’s too shrill. And her laugh is like fingers on a chalkboard. Those of you under 40 are asking yourselves, “What’s this chalkboard thing the old man speaks of?”
So, who’s Donald gonna tap (please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying when I say tap) for VP?
Nikki Haley said count her out. Apparently she doesn’t realize there would be TV cameras involved.
Political wags (again, please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying when I say wags) have suggested Alabama Sen. Jeff Sessions. Sessions would be my pick to play Jefferson Davis in a Broadway production of Civil War: What Is It Good For? But I don’t want him a heartbeat away from becoming the nation’s reality show host.
Two suggested possible running mates for Hillary are Julian Castro or Tom Perez. Wonder what kind of political strategy is behind those names?
Ohio Sen. Sherrod Brown has been suggested. What kind of name is Sherrod? I don’t know of another person named Sherrod. None. If your name is Sherrod and you’re reading this, I apologize if I offended you. (See, I can do an unapology apology.)
Why wouldn’t Hillary tap her husband (see above for misunderstanding about tap)? That would be something different. In every meaning of the word.
My choice for Trump is Chris Christie. My choice for Hillary is Joe Biden.
I like Christie because I have a soft spot on the top of my head for rotund people from New Jersey. I pick Biden to save money on business cards.
And can you imagine a Trump vs. Hillary debate followed the next night by a Christie vs. Biden debate?
Jon Stewart would come out of retirement. Which is what I really want to happen?