Larry Franklin's blog

What did you do to celebrate a day that poets will write about?

June 3 was a big day for y’all. I hope you went to church before you started the celebration. If you had a parade, I missed it, but I bet it was nice.
If you’re scratching your head because you’ve forgotten this important day, consider that the first bikini was worn in public in Paris in 1946. But that’s not what you were so excited about.
Stan the Man Musial hit his 300th home run in 1955, but that pales in comparison to what we celebrated.
Howard Cosell’s first TV show was in 1957 on June 3, but so what?

Are we certain that guns don't kill people?

Guns don’t kill people. Muslims do. There. Problem solved in six words. The only problem is that guns do, in fact, kill people when you have a murderous idiotic with his finger on the trigger, regardless of whether that finger is attached to a Muslim or a Baptist. The AR-15 is designed to kill humans quickly and efficiently. One of them killed 26 people in a Connecticut elementary school in less than five minutes. Another AR-15 killed 14 people in San Bernardino and 14 people in a theatre in Aurora, Colorado. Last weekend, an AR-15 was used to kill 49 people in a bar in Orlando.

To shoot the gorilla or not to shoot the gorilla

Following the brouhaha over the gorilla being shot to death in the Cincinnati Zoo, I conducted a survey that is as valid as any of the political surveys being done with results coming in from five states.
Seventy-five percent of those surveyed think the gorilla should have been shot and killed. Nineteen percent think the zoo was wrong in shooting the gorilla. Six percent think the mother of the child should have been shot.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, use The Google or move on to another column because I’m not going to explain it to you.

Who or who are Donald and Hillary going to pick for VPs?

We interrupt our regularly-schedule column rotation to bring you this special edition of Franklin’s Corner – appearing in the same location since the last century.
After reading this, you’re going to ask yourself, “What’s so special about this? He ain’t gonna win no column award with this-un.”
And you’re probably right. The only reason I’m here is because one of the columnists scheduled begged off this week and I said to myself, “You know, the faithful readers are missing me. I need to throw them a bone.”

Ted Cruz is making Donald Trump look not so horrible

The more Ted Cruz talks, the smarter Donald Trump looks.
Cruz wants the police to patrol/target “Muslim neighborhoods” in the United States. Anyone wearing an “I’m a radical Islamic” t-shirt or an “I’m with Muhammad” t-shirt would be arrested and sent straight to Gitmo, which is in Cuba, where President Obama watched a baseball game, which got all the GOP panties in a wad.

The sticky notes are piling up on my 'writing desk'

Faithful readers will remember in last week’s column I discussed my recent absence from this space. I don’t remember what lie I gave as the reason (guess I’m not a faithful reader), but, during my sabbatical the potential column topics piled up on my writing desk.
Yes, I have a writing desk. Wanna make something of it?
I’m going to try to get caught up. Unfortunately, some of my notes don’t make much sense.

The differences between Baptists and Presbyterians

Around the same time I named Vic MacDonald as the editor, there was a string of several weeks without a Franklin’s Corner for you to read and be amused by. The two actions, while not related, led to widespread speculation I had retired.
To be clear, I haven’t retired and, at this point, I don’t have any concrete plans to do so. My retirement is closer than it’s ever been, but so is yours. For the time being, you have me here to help bring you the best darn newspaper in Clinton. Sorry.
Let’s move on.

You can be the lucky winner of $4.5 million in Franklin Enterprise stock

Your attention please. Drum roll. Larry Franklin, publisher of The Clinton Chronicle, has announced he will match all of the Facebook stock that Mark Zuckerberg gave away just before Christmas.
Everyone who received Facebook stock from Zuckerberg will receive an equal number of shares in Franklin Enterprises, LLC. To receive the free FE stocks, the lucky Facebookers need only to turn in their Zuckerberg stock in person at 513 North Broad St., Clinton, SC, USA.
This is not a hoax, Franklin said to this columnist. It was on Good Morning America.

Mike Pitts back in the news again. Surprise, surprise

I gave it 24-hours of thought. I slept on it. After careful, thoughtful and prayerful consideration, I have concluded Rep. Mike Pitts has lost his freaking mind.
He wants the State of South Carolina to register journalists. Just TV and newspaper reporters, he told The State paper. If you think that sounds like a reasonable idea (Why shouldn’t they have to register? What makes them special?), you should break out your pocket-sized copy of the United States Constitution.


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513 North Broad St.
Clinton, SC 29325
Phone: (864) 833-1900
Fax: (864) 833-1902


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